I have recently come to the realization that running from things, no matter what, is not a good idea at all. Wether it be debts, fights, God, life problems it is just not a good idea! What brought this on is while I lived in Denver I was laid off from work. I had some money saved up in a savings account to fall back on, but once that was gone and I still didn't have a very good paying job I quickly fell into a debt problem. I used my credit card for a lot of things and did not have the money to pay the bills for it, but did that stop me? Not one single bit. Then finally I got a very good job and started making some money and started making attempts at paying bills and I inally realized how big of a hole I had dug myself into. It feels like I am standing at the bottom of a well, looking up at the little bit of light that is shining down on me and trying my hardest to get to that light which is financial freedom. But wait, maybe the light should be something else that would make me get out of my well much faster. That light should be God. When you are in a place in your life that all seems dark and all seems like a loss and you just want to scrap everything and start over you should realize that there really is no reason to give up. No matter how bad you think you have it, it honestly could be worse. I have always had a roof over my head, Food in my stomach and a family that loves me more than I think I know. I also have a God that does everything for me and is there for me through everything. I guess I know a lot more than I let myself believe. I still stray away from him and still act like I can handle everything on my own. I recently have started rejuvinationg my prayer life, and my devotion to Christ and it honestly has made things go a lot better. I have been doing better in life than I have in a long time. I owe that all to one person. It is just interesting to think about. If you turn away from the one thing in life that means everything then you have nothing. Even if you have material things, and material wealth you atill feel empty inside. Wether or not you want to admit it, there is a huge empty spot in your heart. Your heart was built like a jigsaw puzzle. In the imensity of it, there is one single piece that is supposed to be there or the puzzle is not complete. It is meant to fit in there perfectly. It was cut and shaped to sit right in there and not waiver in any way. But if you do not put the pice in it will not get there on its own. YOU need to do it. I need to do it. But why do I still refuse and run from placing that final piece of my heart together and making life 100% better? I guess one day I will learn why. Right now the only reason I can think of is because I cling to tightly to my human traits, especially the one that makes me think I am all there ever was and ever will be of me. But that is so not true. I pray that one day I can see through MYSELF and see what really is myself.
